Qalqalah Sugra

Once you have tasted what Hijra feels like. You will crave for it again. Yet, it is  not that easy. I’ve been following the steps of misguided, who put me in this situation. Little by little, his steps just made me fall further, until I did the same things as I was before Hijra. That I could never think of. Like, you don’t expect it to be like this. But it happened. It is scary. Not the bad guy. Instead, how unstable we are without firm grip. But again, it all their plans all along. I must be smarter than them. In the end, they couldn’t do anything, the just whisper. And that’s the real battle. Imagine yourself, having enemies. It could be an old annoying friend. Or your ex’s ex. Or anyone who you hate just too much. There could be a reason behind it, or there isn’t. But you know exactly, you don’t like these people. Even worse, you want to destroy them. You want them to suffer. You want them to feel pain eternally, for maybe what they did to you, or other reason. This bad guy ...

Real time It is 6.27 am now. I am sitting on the edge of my bed. Typing on the laptop. Crying over things that had happened and now happening. I used to cry alone, with someone, or in front of people. I am, a crybaby. Many things can trigger me to cry. And I do learn about how to conceal your true feelings. Sometimes I regret words out of my mouth. Another time I regret what I've done to my life. In another case, I would regret on not doing or taking certain decision. I always feel bad about my current situation. I should be grateful, I know. I even comfort other person, give consultation. But it ain't apply for me myself. I think I have to start thinking about myself-not in the case of being egoist (cause I already am)-but more about me talking to myself and really taking the words into mind, words, and actions. Perception What is the ideal life you perceive? The one you imagine to achieve? Is it a nice house abroad with cute kids and lovely husband? Online yet flexible and pr...

What is truth? acceptable truth by anyone you met in any part of the world. Do we know exactly which one is the right and wrong? Who is entitled to make the clause? Is it a person, some groups of people, society, country, or...God? We use our mind, logic, experience, facts, opinioin, every resources we have to make a decision. To have an opinion on particular matter. To decide whether an act or something is right or wrong. We have our own definition of truth, based on ourselves, subjective. It is heavily depends on many factors which is unique to each individuals. Maybe someone experienced a bad childhood, then his/her thought of a family is a wrong thing to start with. Maybe in some cultures, drinking alcohol is common, so this is considered as “not prohibited” assumptions and rules or “right”. Many caluses made by ourselves which combined as social truth. Yet again, are those the truth? Back again to the question on “Who”. Who is entitled to rule and decide which right and wrong?...

How to say it... You might think that I am crazy. Cold-stoned heart. I regret for what I did. I didn’t trust anyone. I couldn’t trust anyone. Eventhough I knew, the new page is possible, and permitted. Still, I look behind, and judge. Not knowing what is the truth for real, is a mystery. But that wasn’t important. So what, if people lie to you. So what, if people betray you. S what, if people ended up hurt you. Isn’t that normal? No one could give pure love. No one could be best in forgiving. No one not ever judging you. People always do that. And they will always do. Because they are humans. The One who will never do that, is God. That is why, the only one place your heart should be placed to is to Him. Because, He never betrays you, He loves you too much, He forgive and forgot, even He gave blessing for whomever who wants to come back. What’s there more to ask for? We put our trust in people. We put our hearts in human. We give everything for this world. But we always get disap...

Lie vs Good ? When you realize that you lie about something. even how small it is. It trasform into a small black dust in your heart. You feel it convenient, comfortable, for you. Or maybe that is the right thing for you, or for other people. Lies are never good. How good it sounds like. How comforting. How luring. How goodness could come out of something bad. Started as good, white, is hard, yet deserved to be valued. If you are in that someone’s position, imagine how hurt it is to be betrayed. Maybe it is a small thing, an unimportant trivia thing. yet, you dont how it meant for other people. Imagine you being the one you lied to. What is Lies Lies are plural of lie. One small little lie will lead to another lies to support the original lie. Lying means saying or doing something that is not the exact real fact with the exact amount of uality and quantity, also the impression it made. Adding, reducing, changing, the content from small amount to complete new ideas, are considered...

Life Imagine yourself in a running race. It could be a marathon or sprint. With rewards of everything that you ever wanted, in front of you, as the prize. Your rivals? Oh wait, there is no rival. What? How could be? Apparently, your rival is yourself. They are: your nafs and bad whispers on your ears. They are trying to make you give up the race, slow you down, fail utmost. And we don’t even see the finish line. Remember? it could be a marathon with long time of life till old age, or sprint, where accident just happened in teenage. Well it doesnt sounds much like a competition isnt it? Let’s see competition in it’s definition. An event which consists of 2 or more parties with reward can not be shared. Hold on! Rewards can not be shared? Sounds limited. While on the other hand, paradise is unlimited. And it is not shared, nothing is decreased for you. It is freaking even bigger than you ever imagined. How is that possible? See, world’s beauty is a small preview of paradise’s pleas...

Is it People may lie. People may betray. People get bored. People can do anything harmful to us. But, there lies a tiny light called trust. We could trust someone. Believe in their words. Proved by their actions. We could give people chance and opportunity. We could make ammend and promise someone else. We may have distrust, dishonesty, to anybody. We could hurt someone else. But there also left a tiny hope, called guts. Despite uncertainties in life, we tend to rely on this small hunch feeling, that sometimes we put our trust on making decision. In some occassion, there is a glinch of awareness that emerged. Whether it is a guidance, a direction, a clue, or a convincing feeling   on something we have doubt before. In making decision, the more likely we have things in our mind, the more difficult we try to take and sure about the decision we make. In another case, we may not even know why we are so sure about it. We don’t need any prove from someone else, for them to prove thei...