Qalqalah Sugra

I want to cut off everything again and again I want to stop everything  from moving without my consent I somehow felt like being controlled lured into something evil I realized that many good things happened also And there also stuffs getting real good but I cant lie, I cant deny, there is that deep in my heart i can feel it, i can sense that something's wrong, not supposed to be but maybe not tonite

 When I feel like I'm falling into despair and numbness That's when I realized everything just went by like a thin air it just happened it just passed by me it just laughed for a while Maybe I am trying to fool myself All these times Maybe I am just a fool myself All these months keep on playing the same tune never get bored stop for a while yet go through same thing again and again yeah, I am lazy to even try I don't understand or I dont want to try to I don't want to do the job I just wanna see from afar How far can I go Can I go far? Or stop just like that?

 I just watched Farha, and mow my mood is awful sad, disappointed, terrible It's a simple movie And I believe it's just a few from the large issues

you will get what you aim for what exactly am I doing ? how am I supposed to continue my life? I definitely will fail That's what I thought I have that pessimistic point of view of the world and myself that I'll ruin it somehow No matter how hard I try not to there will be something wrong But, I don't want it Ok, now what if things work well then I enter jannah live happily ever after what if it's really happening c'mon you can't have a 50{50 all for nothing attitude or maybe I need some kind of guarantee? what else it's too obvious and I'm just maybe I need to slow down a little and, right... making checklist and try to work on it the best I could this life is not fair but Allah is fair I have opportunities and various chances I have many things I'll be capable of that I could  work on spend my time on and maybe it doesn't seem pretty well now it's alright things will be fine and I'll enter Jannah for sure

it is 3AM.

In this capitalistic world what do you expect We've been lured by nominal We fell off and trapped I'm not sure whether I am free of the system or anything It's just that, I consider myself as lucky perhaps I am not being enough grateful many people are still on the phase Alpha One I really am not that stupid ain't I, or arrogant I don't know or maybe coward, I must say I'm afraid that I'll be hated I'm afraid to be all alone I'm afradi everything will be lost but the most proper scary thing have I given thought of it, really abandoning it even for a second may not seems like a good plan on how I could just ran carelessly on the side of a canyon on how easily I bring my body over late night on how sickness and abandonment take place which part that it ain't make it scary everything does how am I supposed to invite people when I can't even take myself in how is it supposed to be done. anyway, what does it have to do with people there is an urge...