Qalqalah Sugra

She is now typing in an old laptop, waiting for her online class, where she is actually,...the student. The concept of self may vary in human’s opinion. One perceives themselves in different way. Maybe from the characters, from the occupations, responsibilities, age, etc. While me, myself, currently trying to find it out for the real   crystall clear. I think... I am creative, humorous, cheerful person. That’s the strength I believe. The weaknesses are so many, but let’s try not to focus on that. Now, I am asking to myself, how can I be this humorous, creative, cheerful person? What makes me this? environment? My mum? gene? Friends? Where does this characters come from? Allah?. Yep, everything is created by Allah, including the characters, physical body, characters, skill, mind-processing brain, completely everything. Then, why did Alah gave me this character? Does it suit my-idk-soul profile? Well, all I know is when we are still souls we already have those characteristics...

Now I know that I am a human. I was born more than twenty years ago. Wow. I mean, that sounds like a long time, yet I felt like I just born. Ha. I was born in an island in east part, but then my parents moved to the west side and stayed permanently. I grew up. Many things happened on my childhood that I am not proud of, but also what I’m proud of. Proud. Hmm, interesting word. We’ll talk about it later. And then, after some life experience, I went into schools, university, even took job in a company, resigned, traveled, took freelance, and here I am now. That’s it. Well, it surely doesn’t feel like years. But what I am surprised at, is that how short it feels like. They say hundred years in dunya is one day in kubr (grave). Well, imagining I am laying on the ground doing nothing inside a grave for hundred years sure scares me. I can’t even stay in the same room for more than 5 days. It’s interesting how we perceive time in our own life-timeline. Some days felt so long to be over. Some ...

Who am I? I am a human, a creation, created by the Creator. What am I doing here? And, really? am I really a human, and does it really true, that I am created? Not just popped up randomly from my mum womb? Ofcourse not. Now what do I believe in, what did I see? So many questions that actually a bit late to ask now. but it’s never too late to start neither continue. They said, I am actually a “paradise resident”. But maybe non-permanent, since Adam. Why? Well, I am thinking of story of Adam and way long before he was born. It all makes sense, actually, but the questions and doubts and forgetness just kept on distracting. So, in short, all creations live happily ever, even jinn. But once, Allah announced that He will create the best creation, human, Adam. But jinn refused Adam, envy him so much. Adam lived with Hawa in paradise, forbidden to eat a fruit. But jinn lure Adam to disobey Allah. Adam did. Allah is The All-Knowing, then Adam and Hawa repent, but then Allah told Adam to sta...