A Piece of Advice

A piece

A dream is not only a dream, when you aare trying hard to achieve it. A time won’t last forever anyway. There will be no sense of urgency if you don’t make it urgent. And I am not satisified. There will always be dissatisfaction. Why am I doing so hard for things that I dont really like, actually. What am I trying to prove? To whom my time, life, and soul belongs to?

I want to cry, a lot. Since I force myself to laugh too much. That’s right. I am empty. There is no happiness in it. There is no ewal meaning about it. What am I doing here? What am I really looking for? People to like me? More people and more people? Make a squad of people? Then, when some people truly love you, what did you do? You are asking more. You expect too high till you don’t even look at yourself. That you are the one who is low. And that is scary. I become a mean person. I become somewhat I regret to be. What am I trying to say is, I am me. The bad and the good side. And about this sadness, maybe I haven’t try hard enough. People are trying so hard. But what did I do. Laze around as if I have a hundred years to live and sack of gold to eat. Why am I always complaining.

Complaints

Why am I always complaining? Because I don’t want to be blamed. Yes, good person always get benefit off from people. Poor them, we thought. But actually, we are the one who is at loss. Losing suh a good partner, such a good partner. I am digging my own graveyard. Let’s just be simple. Let’s just be honest to ourselves. What do you think about thought. I know the truth, I know the answer. I know the reality, I know the fake. I know the think I wanted. I know the thing I hate. But it is always easy to complaint. It is easy to be forced in doing what you like. I can’t own my words. I haven’t been in a place where I am able to clarify, what’s the real thing is.

Brake

I have to take the call. Even if I don’t want to. But that’s a good relief. I am in a position where I never be able to do chaotic things on my mind. I am escaping. Running towards endless loop. I lived an extraordinary ordinary life. This is not what it meant to be. I have to stop for a while. I have to use the brake. Be patient. Building something that is meaningful. But I can’t do that if I am worked up with unimportant things. I have to prioritize my concerns. And it should be started as soon as possible, or continued.

The Escape

Unable or not brave enough to face the truth. I tend to choose nothing among two. deciding needs a lot of responsibilities. My happiness is in a thin air. Easily vanished, easily removed. Tormented by it’s own skin. I might sound drama. But wasn’t we all want drama to be our maginificent story. There is a heavy deep burden in my heart, which never let me having the one. Because it knows, there isn’t the one, and so it came into conclusion, find alternatives.  Distract the eyes, Keep my mind busy on hot thin air. On small and short video of ripen moment. Nothing means actually something. It’s ajust a series of events that keep recurring and circling yourself as if you are the main actor. What am I talking about. really. I don’t have any feeling t myself. Nothing at all. I don't hate her. I don’t like her that much eaither way. I don’t expect annything. I don’t hope for anything at all too. But now I doubt it. I doubt my mental truth. I doubt my existence. I doubt my importance. I doubt my capability. I dout the existentiality of black cloud around my head. I am easily annoyed, bothered, sad, but I try my best to deny. Until it denies everything. Everything that happen just seems like doesnt; belongs to its place. It shouldn;t be like this, That shouldn;t be like that. I shouldn’t be like me. You shouldn;t be you. People shouldn’t be themselves. I disappoint myself.