Qalqalah Sugra

It's funny on how you think you've got it all right, yeah, alright. in reality, it's just procrastination. you're there  (again) facing pile of laundry (again) facing a messy room (again) facing untouched dishes it's simple and fast and easy yet (again) facing the same thing over and over again how often does these repetition will be? till the rest of my life oh my. and wasn't that what we're facing now and then? the same thing to check on our durability, patience, boredom this is a huge problem especially for me of course, who else am I talking to well, all I need is simply move my foot, hand, body toward the responsibilities (again)

I am pissed of everybody. nope. I am pissed of myself.

Have you ever felt like numb not dumb but numb, sometimes it feels like, what is it exactly do you think you're not gonna be tested? but why this imean, of course it should be this what I am not sure of is that, am i  actually experiencing setbacks? instead of given a higher and more difficult test, I stumbled across the same thing again and again, how should I know it's actually me not passing  again and again so that I need to get this type of test or, that maybe at that time, I am not really solving it. resolve it. done. But who am I, categorizing and filtering tests based on how do I wanna see it like, if I am experiencing a heartbreak then should all kind of ill-heart fall into this category? they might be in other category isn't it? yet, again, I am not sure of it too much thoughts what would they think of me that's always the issue here like everytime i try to do something that has nothing to do than anyone other than myself, then it will appear again recurring i...

Hey, How are you today? Have you been sleeping well? How has it been with your days? How is the wind? How is the blanket? How do you feel? Can we talk for a sec? I am not gonna hurt you, as I used to. I am sorry for that tho, I really am. I am maybe unconscious of it, Just that, I need to tell you something, You've been great so far. You been doing great. You don't need no one to tell you that, do you? You can -not- believe other people. Or hesitate and doubting their words. But you can't probably disbelieve me, rite? We've been together for years quite long time to be compared to anyone else. So talk to me tell me everything share me your sadness and worries and happiness too and I will congratulate you give you what you need from a human It's good to know thta someone actually cares you don't need to convince yourself that you don't care of anyone else or to tell yourself that you are this bad creatures cause you are -absolutely- not. not even close I'...

Loneliness is being with yourself, but even "you" don't want to accompany you.

Ya Allah, I know I'm no good far from goodness far from You yet I still care of how others look at me yet I still expect other than You yet I am still on a very low level I can be Did I make efforts? Do I make efforts? Am I making efforts? It's just  I wish I met You sooner realized about everything sooner but again, it's not working that way isn't it I'm trying to be casual yet I'm afraid it's  too shady of me I know I should come clean to you but I don't know what's there to uncover What's going on for real Why am I feeling so sad and regretful? Shouldn't I be happy and enjoying life? No? I guess it's my fault in unerstanding everything It's so hard to understand myself Please let me know Let me be guided I have no other tho I try so hard to run from You there again, I am  It's too loud the thinking, mind, and idont' know what to address can't it just be numbed and what exactly that is maybe it's not something I need...

Illusion. everything is just an illusion all the hearing and sayings all the sounds and grinned why should I bother tho why should I recognize em but again, asking nonsense yet again, I am stomped it's like, when you found a good song and you can't get over it then in other times you're freakingly bored till the level you hated it so much you don't wanna listen anymore it's gonna be a little more, a little more, hang on in there I can't understand why am I so bored  of literally everything I've tried being proud of it won't solve the problem anyway being so sad about times that's gone neither helps I need a break from these illusions