Qalqalah Sugra

 I just watched Farha, and mow my mood is awful sad, disappointed, terrible It's a simple movie And I believe it's just a few from the large issues

you will get what you aim for what exactly am I doing ? how am I supposed to continue my life? I definitely will fail That's what I thought I have that pessimistic point of view of the world and myself that I'll ruin it somehow No matter how hard I try not to there will be something wrong But, I don't want it Ok, now what if things work well then I enter jannah live happily ever after what if it's really happening c'mon you can't have a 50{50 all for nothing attitude or maybe I need some kind of guarantee? what else it's too obvious and I'm just maybe I need to slow down a little and, right... making checklist and try to work on it the best I could this life is not fair but Allah is fair I have opportunities and various chances I have many things I'll be capable of that I could  work on spend my time on and maybe it doesn't seem pretty well now it's alright things will be fine and I'll enter Jannah for sure

it is 3AM.

In this capitalistic world what do you expect We've been lured by nominal We fell off and trapped I'm not sure whether I am free of the system or anything It's just that, I consider myself as lucky perhaps I am not being enough grateful many people are still on the phase Alpha One I really am not that stupid ain't I, or arrogant I don't know or maybe coward, I must say I'm afraid that I'll be hated I'm afraid to be all alone I'm afradi everything will be lost but the most proper scary thing have I given thought of it, really abandoning it even for a second may not seems like a good plan on how I could just ran carelessly on the side of a canyon on how easily I bring my body over late night on how sickness and abandonment take place which part that it ain't make it scary everything does how am I supposed to invite people when I can't even take myself in how is it supposed to be done. anyway, what does it have to do with people there is an urge...

It's funny on how you think you've got it all right, yeah, alright. in reality, it's just procrastination. you're there  (again) facing pile of laundry (again) facing a messy room (again) facing untouched dishes it's simple and fast and easy yet (again) facing the same thing over and over again how often does these repetition will be? till the rest of my life oh my. and wasn't that what we're facing now and then? the same thing to check on our durability, patience, boredom this is a huge problem especially for me of course, who else am I talking to well, all I need is simply move my foot, hand, body toward the responsibilities (again)

I am pissed of everybody. nope. I am pissed of myself.

Have you ever felt like numb not dumb but numb, sometimes it feels like, what is it exactly do you think you're not gonna be tested? but why this imean, of course it should be this what I am not sure of is that, am i  actually experiencing setbacks? instead of given a higher and more difficult test, I stumbled across the same thing again and again, how should I know it's actually me not passing  again and again so that I need to get this type of test or, that maybe at that time, I am not really solving it. resolve it. done. But who am I, categorizing and filtering tests based on how do I wanna see it like, if I am experiencing a heartbreak then should all kind of ill-heart fall into this category? they might be in other category isn't it? yet, again, I am not sure of it too much thoughts what would they think of me that's always the issue here like everytime i try to do something that has nothing to do than anyone other than myself, then it will appear again recurring i...