what time is it

In this capitalistic world

what do you expect

We've been lured by nominal

We fell off and trapped

I'm not sure whether I am free of the system

or anything

It's just that, I consider myself as lucky

perhaps

I am not being enough grateful

many people

are still on the phase Alpha One

I really am not

that stupid ain't I, or arrogant

I don't know

or maybe coward, I must say

I'm afraid that I'll be hated

I'm afraid to be all alone

I'm afradi everything will be lost

but the most proper scary thing

have I given thought of it, really

abandoning it even for a second

may not seems like a good plan

on how I could just ran carelessly

on the side of a canyon

on how easily I bring my body over late night

on how sickness and abandonment take place

which part that it ain't make it scary

everything does

how am I supposed to invite people

when I can't even take myself in

how is it supposed to be done.

anyway, what does it have to do with people

there is an urge, inside, craving

shouting as if it's crying

but rather, it's a pure instinct

it's not really helping people, maybe

it's about helping yourself-myself

for quite a long time,

i felt like taking conclusion as if that's what's really happening

but for sure,

i was just having fun, wasn't I?

or is it no longer fun?

that it become a burden now?

yes,

this pure, soft, white instinct

dragged the wild and dark wind 

everyone does have it

even if we try to deny it

even if we try to convinve ourself that we're a bad guy

even if i try to convinve myself that I am bad

yet, still, I wanna be 

it's not about being bad or good person

that's not the case

i'm really trying, ain't I?

let me know

is it just a cover up?
why would it be

am I watching too much?

does my mind went fuzzy

can I just be

in a blank state

without any influence

without any surpressing thought

it's not that it's depressing

it's just a state

where you want it all to stop

all at once

it's not tiredness

as what i used to claim

it's the giving up

I tried to give up

but You won't let me

and I'm grateful

that You are not giving up on me

i shouted in silence

i flawed in moonlight

it's not "what am i supposed to do"

or "why am I not doing it"

or "how to do it"

no

not a single question

it's too much