Who Am I (Part III)

She is now typing in an old laptop, waiting for her online class, where she is actually,...the student.

The concept of self may vary in human’s opinion. One perceives themselves in different way. Maybe from the characters, from the occupations, responsibilities, age, etc. While me, myself, currently trying to find it out for the real  crystall clear.

I think...

I am creative, humorous, cheerful person. That’s the strength I believe. The weaknesses are so many, but let’s try not to focus on that. Now, I am asking to myself, how can I be this humorous, creative, cheerful person? What makes me this? environment? My mum? gene? Friends? Where does this characters come from? Allah?. Yep, everything is created by Allah, including the characters, physical body, characters, skill, mind-processing brain, completely everything.

Then, why did Alah gave me this character? Does it suit my-idk-soul profile? Well, all I know is when we are still souls we already have those characteristics. Then, it’s been decided? wow. Why should I be given to be a cheerful person? So that I would be tough when the hard times come and hit me to the ground on my early days? like, maybe others wont be able to survive in their given characters. Idk. Or is it that because I am a crybaby too? So I need somekind of balance. Right? Could be. It’s not bad being a crybaby actually, it proves that we are sensitives and empathethic.

Humorous? Where did I get those jokes from? friends? environment? reading books? Yeah I think so, but it should not be sufficient enough. Some people learn comedy, but he/she can’t be comic. They’re not funny. So I guess it’s given too? Like talent? Well, we could learn how to acquire talent, but I feel something more crucial in it. The given characters and skill.

Extroverted. I like being around people. Maybe I am too much trying to get attention, but anyway, it’s joyful to be around people, for me. Why does Allah creates me to have this quality? Am I usefu in something that require this? I guess so. Hawa created to accomplice Adam, so I guess everything that is created is for a reason. There is a big hikmah behind it. We just don’t know, yet. Maybe this extrovert character is useful for me too, I could learn from many people, meet many people, befriended, loved, with my easygoing attitude, I could easily get along with them and adapt into new environment. Maybe alongside with my life journey, I am prepared to live in such drastical different situation and condition. In contact with different kind of people. Being a lesson to them, a help, or anything that is useful. With my character it all could happen. Allah is The Best-Planner. He put the right people into the right place. Again, we just haven’t realized it yet.

Creative. Ya, sometimes I felt like I am trapped and get bored. Being creative is so useful. It also helps me into thinking of solutions and possibilities for decision making. In the end, the qualities is not to make us better than everyone else. It’s to make us better as human so that we could gain his love, ridho, and enough provisions to enter paradise. So those qualities are tools to help ourselves.

So who am I? I am my qualities given by Allah, to survive and pass the test as the best version of myself as human.